Clanger

Teaching a class on Friday and it wasn't going very well. It's was pretty flat and the kids weren't really adding much to the discussions or questions we were having. Those lessons are hard work especially when you have already taught the same lesson three times that week and had better results.

The kids are writing a design specification for a mobile phone holder. The section in question was on the aesthetics of their product. It's pretty much laid on a plate for them so the first section says:

"The shape of the backboard of my mobile phone holder will be..."

I look at one boys booklet and he has written "Dad". I chuckle a bit and say "are you going to make your phone holder the shape of your dad?" The rest of the kids at the table burst out laughing at the thought of this and the boy is quick to stop them.

"No, no, no, not the shape of my dad I'm going to spell out the word dad in big letters and cut that out!"

"Oh right" I say. We have a bit of a laugh at the table and I think that maybe the lesson isn't going to be dry as a stick after all.

A few minutes later the class have stopped working and I am asking them what they have done. Another boy who is right next to the boy I have just talked about puts his hand up and says "sir I have an idea for my backboard!"

"Oh" I say, "is it the shape of your dad?"  A vain attempt to resurrect a pretty lame joke.

The boy goes totally silent and the rest of the class go "OHHHHHH!"

Suddenly a little unsure what's going on I ask him what his idea is.

He just looks at me then his eyes well up and the tears start.

"Sir his dad just died" the class tell me from all directions.

Ground swallow me up now.

Awful moment. Just awful. The boy now has his head on his hands on the desk and is crying and to compound the agony the rest of the class keep coming up to me one by one to tell me that his dad has died.

"Ok can everyone get on with their work and leave him alone he's really upset."

I apologised to the boy saying that I didn't know and that it was a crappy joke.

Euuuurgh.

I've always been really careful when talking about the kids home lives. I never assume that they have a mum and dad at home or anyone really. I always say things like "whoever looks after you at home" or things like that.   The one time I forget and do something totally random like that and it goes massively wrong.

What. A. Clanger.

Randoms

I'm going to fire off a few random answers that kids have given me of late. Every day there are loads of things like this but it's only when I get a second to write them down at the end of a lesson that they stay in my mind. So much happens over the course of a day.

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Students in year seven are creating a moodboard based on their own identities. Stuff they like to do and are interested in. It's nice to get to know them a bit although it can be a bit depressing when you find out.

We discuss the idea of identity and what makes us who we are and some things that they might like to have in their moodboards. Most kids love the exercise and fill their page up with their favourite sports or music or food. Nando's incidentally is a firm favourite.

Some boys, who remember are 11 years old, tell me that they are into "guns, money and girls".

Some say they don't like anything. I have to really coax things out of them. One boy claimed that he genuinely didn't like anything. No types of food, no music, no-one in his family or anything. The only thing he liked was water.

Turns out he is bang into swimming and that's all he likes. It's interesting that he would come at his passion for one thing by saying that doesn't like anything else at all.

One boy said the only things he liked were football, the Xbox, his family and smelling nice.

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Q: What might you find in a kitchen?

A: Your wife

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Update

This one could run and run...

Q: Where is Silicon Valley?

A: Uxbridge Road, Hanwell, London

Marking

Marking students written work is boring and it can be quite depressing at times (most of the time).  The standard of writing I see every day is absolutely appalling. I genuinely have students who misspell their own names. For many English is their second or third language and so some of it can be blamed on that. However often it just comes down to lack of effort. Particularly with homework. It's all rushed and done in two minutes, often at break before coming into the classroom. I remember doing that.

Sometimes however marking work can provide a chuckle or two. I really should do it more...

A recent homework assignment was to do with electronics. The kids had to do some research into Silicon valley and answer four questions. The answers I had back from various kids had me doing a google search myself just to try and figure out what the hell they are on about. I'm still none the wiser.

The question was "Why is it called Silicon valley?"

I had the following responses:

"The father of silicon valley is called silicon valley"

"In 1971 the name was used for the first time and used a couple more times etc"

"For religion reasons"

 and the most perplexing contribution

"A japanese man couldn't find New England on the map"

Who's counting?

I take strange satisfaction in the fact that I now wear a classic blue techie teacher jacket while I'm teaching practical lessons. I wear quite smart clothes to work in general; shirt (no tie), trousers and brogues so I quite like to don the jacket and get stuck in when there is work to be done. I wear it around school with the collar turned up. I don't think I would have done that a few years ago. It's one part pride in what I teach and one part confidence in maturity (or "I don't give a shit what you think") .

Anyway it has deep pockets and as I am going through the day inevitably things accumulate in them. It's chaotic helping kids make shit. Things just slide their way in there and I'm never really sure how it happens. 

Sometimes I go to put a pencil behind my ear and there is already one there. 

In afternoon registration I play a game with one of my year 11 form class. She has to guess how many items are in my pockets. It's often quite a surprising number. I was inspired to take a couple of snaps on a couple of good days just before Christmas.

Gove

In his relentless drive to become the most popular politician in schools up and down the land, Michael Gove has made another vote winning contribution.

Foreign object

*************NEWSFLASH***********************


Someone has done a poo in the school swimming pool. Sources say that there was one in the pool and another on the side of the pool.

The culprit remains at large.